Oh, What Songs of the Heart

Wow, what a crazy summer it's been so far. Graeme lost a tooth, Kai's starting potty training, Chloe's been in softball and opera camp, we've planted grass and a jungle of weeds, I mean a garden, we've harvested strawberries, spinach, radishes, peas, raspberries, green beans and are anxiously awaiting green peppers, eggplants, cabbage, broccoli, pumpkins, corn and more green beans, we did a paper route for a month, the boys are going to start swimming lessons soon, I've had tremendous success at the gardener's market so I've spent a considerable amount of time cutting, sewing and crocheting and I've been attempting to build an emergency food supply.
I've also mostly managed to keep up with visiting teaching and I got to help hem pants for the temple. And, incidentally, we've managed to keep everyone reasonably healthy, groomed and fed (in that order).
Needless to say, the house isn't the cleanest it's ever been, there are numerous unfinished projects and nobody's ready for school (starts Aug. 21st). But I'm happy.
For those of you who are following my battle with Borderline Personality Disorder, I'm happy to say that I'm currently winning. I've just about finished a book I bought that's teaching me new skills (BPD generally manifests as inappropriate coping skills) and I've been taking an anti-depressant. Deciding to take the medicine was a really tough choice because it's not something I ever wanted to do, but when I started learning new skills I realized how wonderful it was to not be drowning in my own guilt all the time. However, learning these new skills is extremely difficult and takes time so I got some help.
Now I love my life again. I have hard, emotional times still, but I laugh more than I cry and my children are once more endearing and humorous instead of overwhelming. I feel level and in control most of the time. By identifying and accepting what's going on in my crazy head, I can stand up straight and face each new day with hope and joy.
It sounds corny to say it, but I've always had a heart full of music; now that music is good again. As I was choosing the August hymns I came across an old favorite and even though it's talking about meeting with loved ones beyond this life, it really does express the way I'm feeling. Especially the third verse:
Oh, the visions we'll see in that home of the blest,
There's no word, there's no thought can impart,
But our rapture will be all the soul can attest,
In the heavenly songs of the heart;
But our rapture will be in the vision we'll see
Best expressed in the songs of the heart.
(Oh, What Songs of the Heart; hymns no. 286)
I wish I could put into words how much better I'm feeling here in my home of the blest, but I guess my rapture is best expressed in the songs of my heart.

Whew, spring!

Well, I've fallen out of the habit of blogging again. Maybe with the kids out of school I can get back in the habit.
What a crazy spring this has been! I love the cool weather but I'm a little bit concerned about our plants. It's been raining so much I'm afraid they're all going to mold before they can really grow. We finally got a garden in this year and the seeds we planted are growing in spite of the cat's best efforts to dig them all up. We have peas, beans, corn, peppers, eggplants, watermelon, pumpkins and lettuce. We also have raspberry plants that are doing well and strawberry plants that are loaded with berries. In fact, I believe one of the berries should be ripe today. What really cracks me up is our baby peach tree (it was my Mother's Day present last year). It's got peaches growing on it! Of course, we'll have to pull them all off so the tree can put all its energy into growing, but I'm excited that it's at least trying! Our day lilies and iris are also doing really well. Hooray!
Our baby grass is growing, too, but I'm starting to worry about the eyesight of all the people who live in this neighborhood. For some reason the big patch of baby grass in our front yard is screaming for people to walk, ride bikes and drive on it. The only thing I can think is that everyone who goes by our yard needs glasses. Honestly, if it ever actually turns into a lawn I'll be shocked and amazed!
Now the trick is getting it to stop raining long enough to go out and pull weeds.

Progress

Boy, I'm feeling good today! Well, aside from the horrible cramps and crushing exhaustion. At least the snow all melted (again) and the sun is shining. Of course it's only about 50 degrees outside but that's better than 90, right?
Tomorrow is my first craft fair of the year and I'm super excited. I've completed all the projects I wanted to and I've gone through my bins and printed more business cards and pricing display cards so I think I'm ready to go. I love it when people buy my stuff, it makes me feel good about myself.
I'm also very excited to start doing the gardener's market again, it's such a fantastic opportunity for me.
Most of all, though, I'm excited because I'm starting to make progress on my BPD issues. This last Monday was a horrible day for me emotionally. I was really irritable and I felt completely out of control. Of course my coping mechanism for emotions like that is to overeat but this time when the urge hit, I was able to identify where it was coming from and why. I checked to see if I was hungry (I wasn't) and I ate one candy bar and then checked to see if it really tasted that good and helped me deal with my issues that day. It didn't and I was astonished to realize that I didn't want any more. Isn't that fantastic!
It's so wonderful to me to know that I'm making progress and that I'm no longer a helpless victim of my own crazy brain. Hooray!
By the way, I'm done with the hypnotism class and it wasn't that great. I still believe very strongly in the power of my brain over my body but I felt like the instructor wasn't terribly competent. Oh well.

Corn Dogs and Squeaky Cheese

On the way back from the cheese factory today as Kai began kicking my seat and demanding his third giant piece of squeaky cheese I started thinking about comfort food. I think it's safe to say that anything cheesy counts as my comfort food. I remember when I was little occasionally making the hour-long trip to the cheese factory to buy the rare extra mild cheddar and squeaky cheese. I think we bought ice cream, too, but the cheese was the most important thing. I used to love watching the giant stirring machines through the big window in the store. I wonder what foods my children will consider comfort foods? With Kai it will probably be corn dogs and squeaky cheese.