Progress

Boy, I'm feeling good today! Well, aside from the horrible cramps and crushing exhaustion. At least the snow all melted (again) and the sun is shining. Of course it's only about 50 degrees outside but that's better than 90, right?
Tomorrow is my first craft fair of the year and I'm super excited. I've completed all the projects I wanted to and I've gone through my bins and printed more business cards and pricing display cards so I think I'm ready to go. I love it when people buy my stuff, it makes me feel good about myself.
I'm also very excited to start doing the gardener's market again, it's such a fantastic opportunity for me.
Most of all, though, I'm excited because I'm starting to make progress on my BPD issues. This last Monday was a horrible day for me emotionally. I was really irritable and I felt completely out of control. Of course my coping mechanism for emotions like that is to overeat but this time when the urge hit, I was able to identify where it was coming from and why. I checked to see if I was hungry (I wasn't) and I ate one candy bar and then checked to see if it really tasted that good and helped me deal with my issues that day. It didn't and I was astonished to realize that I didn't want any more. Isn't that fantastic!
It's so wonderful to me to know that I'm making progress and that I'm no longer a helpless victim of my own crazy brain. Hooray!
By the way, I'm done with the hypnotism class and it wasn't that great. I still believe very strongly in the power of my brain over my body but I felt like the instructor wasn't terribly competent. Oh well.

Welcome to the Crazy Club

Well, I've recently discovered that I suffer from a mental illness known as Borderline Personality Disorder. I have to admit, I'm relieved. It turns out I'm not a bad person after all, I'm just crazy! It's also nice to know that my mother doesn't, in fact, hate me, she's also crazy. (Fortunately for me, she doesn't know about this blog)
I always assumed that if I manifested a mental illness it would free me from the consequences of my actions. That's not the case. It has, however, freed me from assuming the worst about myself every time I freak out. Also, now I have a starting point for getting better. My husband is incredibly supportive. He got me a book that is a skills training manual. From what I've read about this particular disorder, it's not necessarily a chemical imbalance so I'm taking antidepressants occasionally and I'm working on retraining myself. I just want to stop screaming at my kids (they're really terrific!) and start liking myself. Here's to me!