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Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Back when Chloe was about 3, she got a bad cavity and had to have a tooth pulled.  The stupid dentist told us she didn't need a spacer so we didn't push for one.  Needless to say, over time the tooth next to it moved and is now completely blocking the adult tooth which is trying to come in.  So we had to put her in braces to fix the problem before it gets substantially worse.  Yesterday was the big day.  Here she is before her appointment.

They cleaned her teeth thoroughly and then "etched" them; a process I'm assuming helps the glue on the brackets to adhere better.  And before you get concerned, I asked the orthodontic staff if I could put their pictures on my blog and they said "yes".

Thumbs up.  She was still feeling pretty good at this point.

This first device they put in her mouth was way too big - I was a little irritated that they didn't start with something smaller because she has quite a small mouth.  I believe this was the cause of her problems later in the day.

This device is a little smaller but it was still difficult to watch.

I was fascinated by the process they used to actually put the brackets on.  They had a pre-made rubbery mold that had all the brackets embedded in it.  They stuck that in her mouth and did the blue light thingy to cure the glue.  Then they pulled out the rubbery stuff and voila! instant braces!

And the brackets they use don't need elastics so they told Chloe she could have some if she wants, but they're not necessary.  She chose green, of course.

She did great through the whole thing.  After she was done they gave her a nice hoodie sweatshirt and a bag of tooth care stuff.  I took her to lunch and then back to school.  After school I think it all caught up with her.  She was in a tremendous amount of pain.  It kind of scared me because she went all pale and couldn't even finish her homework (a first for Chloe!)  She's a little better today and even went to the full day of school even though we offered to let her stay home.  What a trooper!

Monday, March 21, 2011

What I learned in church

The importance of having an eternal perspective.  Here's an example:

There was once a wise man who had one acre of land, one horse, and one son.
One day his son was caring for the horse and left the gate open.
The horse escaped.
All of the wise man's friends and family came over to commiserate with him.
The wise man said: "Is what happened bad?  Or is it good?  I don't know."
His friends and family assured him that it was bad.
In a few days, the horse got thirsty and returned, bringing six wild horses with him.
The friends and family again returned, this time to celebrate the wise man's good fortune.
The wise man said: "Is what happened good?  Or is it bad?  I don't know."
The friends and family assured him that it was good.
The next day, his only son was working with one of the wild horses when the horse reared up
and broke the son's leg very badly.
Once again the wise man's friends and family came to let him know what a bad thing had happened.
"He is your only son," they said.  "What will you do now?"
Being very wise and not swayed by the opinions of those around him, the wise man once again gave the same response: 
"Is what happened bad? Or is it good?  I don't know."
The following week the army came through the area and conscripted all the able-bodied young men.
They went off to war and were all killed.
Because of his broken leg, the wise man's son was not conscripted and remained at home, safe.

And the story goes on.  The moral is: not all success is good and not all trials are bad.  I just don't have the perspective to be able to always tell the difference.

"Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good...."
                                                        Doctrine and Covenants 90:24

Friday, March 4, 2011

A lull

This morning I ran a 5k on the treadmill at the gym.  All by myself.  No walking and with only two very short rests to catch my breath.  After doing 15 minutes on the elliptical.  Me, 100 pounds overweight, asthmatic, severely depressed, very tired, me.  No trainer or running partner or anything.  It was really, really hard and I sat in the parking lot sobbing when I was done but I did it.

After that I went to Weight Watcher's and found out that I lost 2 pounds this week.  Not a huge amount, but enough to keep me on the insurance weight loss program.

And last night Brian and I went to parent-teacher conference and found out that Graeme is doing better (behavior) in school.  He and Kai both are at the top of their classes academically.

I guess sometimes the wind stops blowing for a few minutes and I realize that even though my windows were rattled and I lost a few shingles, my foundation is still strong.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Like the wind

As I lay in bed last night listening to the wind blow, it suddenly struck me how the blowing of the wind was very similar to the challenges in my own life.

Last night, the wind came in great gusts, like the waves of the ocean.  All was still and quiet and then I would hear the wind approach with a loud noise similar to that of an oncoming freight train.  It would slam into the house, rattling the windows, tearing at the shingles and making the siding whistle and moan.  I lay there, listening and wondering how much more the house could take and then it was gone and all was still and quiet until the next blast hit, seeming stronger and even more ferocious than the last.

A few weeks ago my cousin died.  His death came at me with the noise of a freight train.  It rattled my windows, tore at my shingles and made my siding whistle and moan.  Before that blast was fully gone, Chloe turned twelve.  Suddenly my baby girl has pierced ears and a Young Women's medallion.

And I can't seem to lose weight anymore even though I'm putting everything I've got into it.

Then there's Graeme.

My sweet, tender-hearted, darling boy is becoming angry and mean and is constantly in trouble at school.

With all of that, though, the most ferocious wind blowing at me right now is my Borderline Personality Disorder.  I can't seem to get a handle on it and I feel like my roof is coming off and my walls are going to come crashing down.  I desperately want to help others; to nurture and protect, but I can't deal with my own winds right now and I have nothing to give.

I wonder if this is how my house feels?