Being Mom

I know everyone blogs about Mother's Day, but I couldn't resist. I have no words to express my gratitude for my opportunity to be a mom and my feelings about my own mom run very deep. I miss my mother-in-law terribly and I'm trying to develop a relationship with another mother in my life.

I am surrounded and nourished by mothers. But lately, I've been more and more aware of all the women who want desperately to be mothers but can't have children for one reason or another. My dear neighbor who teaches primary and cares for her sister's baby when she has no children of her own, another friend who saw the goodness in my sweet Graeme even though her physical disabilities prevent her from conceiving a baby of her own. My new mother's daughter-in-law who has a baby in her womb that isn't growing and might have to face this world four months early.

My heart breaks for all of these women and I wish I could tell them how much they enrich me and my family. I know they will have the children they long for, I just don't know when. Please pray for them. I know Heavenly Father loves all of his children and someday we'll all understand.

It's time!

Hooray! It's Gardener's Market time again! I've been sewing and crocheting like a maniac and tomorrow it's finally time! Yippee!

Regrets

Spring is such a beautiful time of rebirth and renewal. Everything is alive and growing again. Two of my children were born in the Spring and my gratitude for them is without limit. Spring is also bittersweet for me. My mother-in-law was born in the Spring and she died in the Spring.
My relationship with her existed before I became aware of the insanity in my own brain. I treated her badly and I regret it more with each passing year. She was a good and kind person who lived her life the best way she knew how.
She loved her grandchildren more than anything! Chloe loved going to Gramma's house because Gramma would read to her as much as she wanted and let her play the piano and paint and play with clay. The fridge was plastered with her "masterpieces".
Graeme was a baby when she died so she never had the chance to know his tender heart and she never met Kai. At least not in this life. Often, as I watch the kids playing or eating or talking, I wish that she was here to be with us. I know that I will see her again someday, but I wish that I could share all of this with her now. I wish she could be here for the big things like baptisms and marriages and the little things like birthdays and Sunday dinner. I wish I could make up for the mistakes I made with her. Most of all, I wish I could take away the pain and sadness that Brian feels, especially this time of year.
In a way, of course, she is still with us. We have pictures and memories, furniture, even our cars and the house wouldn't be ours without her. Most importantly, though, she left me with the determination to make the most out of every relationship. I no longer have the luxury of taking people for granted. Sometimes you turn around and they're gone.

California has everything - DISNEYLAND!

Since today is the last day of April and I'm determined to finish this saga before I DIE, here it is, that mecca of all things family, that wonderland of whee, DISNEYLAND!

We took turns going on Splash Mountain and taking pictures with Pooh and company. Chloe loved Splash Mountain, Graeme didn't really and Kai wasn't big enough.

Speaking of big enough, I told Chloe to go give Pooh a big hug and she gave me one of those teenage looks and said, "I'm not three, mother." My response was along the lines of: "yeah, but you're not eighteen, either, so get hugging, missy!" It's good to know I can still win some battles!

Of course no family vacation would be complete without at least one battle scar to show off at home. Graeme slipped and fell off one of those low retaining walls they have around all of the flower beds.....I love him dearly but he is the biggest klutz ever! You can tell I have three kids because even though he fell head first onto pavement, I waited until he stopped crying to take him to the first aid station. It wasn't bleeding so the only reason I even took him was to get it cleaned off. Then, I almost laughed when the first aid lady asked if I wanted a list of local emergency rooms. I felt a little bad after that, but he really was just fine. Plus, he got a couple of awesome Disney band-aid tattoos!

In retrospect, I probably would feel worse about this except for the fact that the next day his forehead got all sweaty and the band-aid fell off and he didn't even care.

Awwwwwtopia! This was cool because they let Graeme and Kai switch places after the first time around so they both got to drive without standing in line twice even though half the state of Utah was in the park at the time! It turns out none of our kids are quite big enough (or old enough, in Graeme's case) to ride alone, although I suspect that the next time we go that won't be as much of a problem.

Even though this was actually California Adventure, I just can't resist close-ups of my cute kids!
Look at those big blue eyes!

Here's a little bit of "psycho eyes", but I have to be understanding since she was doing her darndest to have the time of her life!

We did our very best to avoid "standing in line" photos, but a few sneaked in since most of our time for three days was spent standing in line. Like I said, I'm convinced that at least half the state of Utah was there, not to mention the Canadians and native Californians. The first day we went to Disneyland, we were at the park for eight hours and we went on five rides.

I love rental strollers! I'm just not sure what we're going to do with all our stuff when the kids are finally too big to ride in them! My children will become sherpas, mwah ha ha!

So there it is. We had a great time, the weather was perfect and our entire tax refund is gone. What more can you ask from a family vacation?