"I ate a lot of food at dinner!"

I was kneeling on the floor this morning helping Kai get dressed and I suddenly realized how tall he is. So I smiled at him and asked him when he got so tall.
He looked thoughtful for a minute and then said:
"Mommy, I ate a lot of food at dinner!"
What a crack up!

Root Beer Crackers

I walked into Kai's classroom yesterday to get him at the end of church and discovered his teachers giggling. When they saw me, they told Kai to tell me about his snack. He said: "We had root beer crackers!"

Root beer crackers? I looked at his teachers in confusion and with broad smiles they informed me that the snack had been SODA crackers. I'm embarrassed to admit that it took me a minute to realize that in Kai's mind, SODA translated to ROOT BEER. What a crack up!

Kai's 4!

Well, it's a week late, but Happy Birthday to Kai! My ten pound, bouncing baby boy is now an almost 50 pound bouncing 4 year old!

He had a FANTASTIC birthday extravaganza! On Monday morning we took the neighbor girl bowling with us and forgot to bring our camera. I was mad, too, because bowling was hilarious! If you've never bowled with small children before, you have to try it. It takes about twice as long as bowling with grownups but watching a four year old heave a bowling ball down the alley without killing anyone is well worth the extra time!
The funniest part, though, was Kai telling everyone that we weren't going bowling for his birthday. I told him that yes, bowling was for his birthday. His response was: "I'm not 4 yet, am I? Then it's not for my birthday!" Sometimes I wish I was as sure about my world as he is about his!

Later on Monday we went down to Grandma and Grandpa's house for dinner, cake and presents. We all had a great time! Kai especially loved all the presents; although he had a lot of help opening and playing with them. In fact, this last picture is the only one I could find of Kai by himself.

The best part is, now he's convinced that he's almost 5. Every day he asks us, "Am I 5 today?" and when we tell him no, his response is: "Well, when am I going to be 5?" I have to admit, I don't want him to be 5! Just stay 4, little buddy. It's all good.

This snack is scrumptious

Last Sunday we were sitting in church and Kai learned over to Brian and said: "Daddy, this snack is scrumptious!"


What can I say? Even in the midst of this "terrible threes" (he was NICE at two), potty-training nightmare that currently is life with Kai, I can't help but be grateful that he's mine.

Today I am most grateful for:
Pull-ups
Kai
and Scrumptious snacks.

Little Things

A couple of nights ago while we were getting the kids ready for bed, we were watching a show about skunks on PBS. There was a man on the show who runs a refuge for skunks (he apparently can't smell the skunk stink which is why he got into the skunk business). Anyway, this guy rescued four baby orphan skunks and raised them. At the end of the show he released them back into the wild.

When this happened, I realized that Graeme was becoming very agitated. I asked him what was wrong and found out that he was upset because the skunks were going to be alone. I reassured him that they were wild animals and they would be just fine but he became more and more upset until he was crying for these poor baby skunks. What a tender heart!

A little while later I was trying to get Kai in the tub and he and Graeme decided that they both needed to use the potty at the same time. The usual screaming, pushing and crying ensued but when I rushed into the bathroom (to prevent bodily harm), I discovered that Graeme had convinced Kai they could go at the same time. So there they both were, in their birthday suits, peeing to their hearts' content. I laughed so hard I cried. Kai later told me (very proudly) that they made an X. The best part is that now Kai is trying to convince Chloe that the two of them can pee at the same time! As much as Chloe always wants to join in on anything, I somehow doubt that this is going to happen.

Finally, Kai was having mini corn dogs for lunch a few days ago. He was making rocket-like noises and flying the corn dogs into his mouth so I asked him if the corn dogs were rockets. He got that funny look on his face, the one that says: "I'm doing something I think is hilarious and I don't really want to share it with you" and told me the corn dogs weren't rockets. "Well what are they, then?" I asked. "They're bombs!" he said, and started laughing and making bomb explosion noises. What a goofball!

I guess it's these everyday little things that really make this life worth living after all.

No, I'm Kind Of Not

A couple of nights ago, Kai woke us up screaming hysterically at 1 am. This is not a terribly unusual occurence; he gets awful leg aches regularly in the middle of the night. Anyway, there I was, rubbing his legs and whispering over and over: "Shhh, you're okay" when I realized that he was whispering something too. So I leaned in close and heard: "No, I'm kind of not".

Well, that got me to thinking about the way I've been reacting to life lately. As a mother, when one of my kids is screaming hysterically and it's the middle of the night, I tend to be pretty unsympathetic. I know from experience that as soon as the Tylenol kicks in the child will be fine and I'll be able to go back to bed, so it's hard for me to remember that the child doesn't have my perspective. All that was real for Kai at that moment was the pain and that pain was making him "kind of not" okay.

I realized that it's necessary for children to have parents with more experience and a wider perspective than they have. That's part of our purpose as parents here on earth. But what about the parents? I looked deep inside myself and heard that same little whisper: "No, I'm kind of not" okay. I'm mired in the daily struggle to care for myself and my family and that's what's real to me at this moment; I have no eternal perspective.

Fortunately, as I heard my own whisper, I heard another; just as soft but much more compassionate and persistent: "Shhh, you're okay"and I discovered that no matter how many times I say I'm not okay my Heavenly Father will be there reassuring me that I am. I feel so much better knowing that even though this moment is all-consuming, I can trust my Father's eternal perspective and have faith that I am actually okay.

So, just for today, I am most grateful for:

Kai's leg aches in the middle of the night

faith

and perspective.

Yes, I kind of am okay.

I Spoke Too Soon, Of Course

First, Kai had a major accident in his pants today and he hasn't gone on the potty even once. Sigh.

Second, my medical experiences. I received a rather discouraging phone call from the new doctor's office yesterday. My blood test came back in the normal range which means that the doctor isn't interested in changing my dose of synthetic thyroid hormone. The nurse told me something along these lines: "In these cases, we treat according to the blood test results and not according to the symptoms." As a result, yesterday was not a good day for me. She might as well have said: "For the rest of your life, no matter how much you exercise and eat right, you can plan on a steady (significant) weight gain with all of the obesity related health risks, constant pain, reduced mental functioning, increasing cholesterol levels, cold intolerance, chronic dry skin, irritability, insomnia, fatigue and debilitating depression. Oh, and don't plan on any support from doctors or society because in our eyes, all your problems are the direct result of your own stupidity and laziness." Like I said, not a good day.

So today I did a little more research and found out a number of interesting things. Apparently I was hallucinating when I thought my dose was higher. According to the pharmacy they don't make my medication in that dose. Now I feel even more stupid than I did before. I also discovered that doctors test for the level of the Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) not the actual hormones produced by the thyroid. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me since the medication that I take is a replacement for the hormones that the thyroid is supposed to be producing. I mean, I realize that if the TSH is high, that means the thyroid isn't functioning properly and the body is attempting to stimulate it, but that seems like a really backwards way to go about finding the problem. Finally, I discovered that calcium supplements and a high-fiber diet can interfere with the absorption of the thyroid replacement medication.
I don't know. I just don't know what to do.

I do think that, feeling the way that I do at this moment, I need to find some things to be grateful for. So, today I am most grateful for:
Enough money in the bank to take the van to the shop
The giant box of diapers that I just bought at Sam's Club
and
A husband who's willing to make a doctor's appointment for me because my self-esteem is so low that I can't do it myself.

By Jove, I think he's got it!

Since that last post was a tad negative, I figured I'd post something positive.

I think (I hope) that Kai's finally into this whole potty training thing. He's worn underpants for several days and hasn't had any accidents. Last night, he came running upstairs all by himself and pooped on the potty. Hooray!

It's hard to believe he was ever this little!

So today I'm most grateful for:

flush toilets

the Wii (fantastic potty reward!)

and my thick hair; if it wasn't so thick I'd be bald already thanks to that stupid doctor. Ugh!

Groceries

Today was grocery day. That means spending the entire day in town buying everything we will need for the coming week. A daunting task, but for me, it's easier to get it all done at once and not have to keep running to the store every other day. Anyway, Kai's developed this nasty, barky cough and he felt really warm when I got him up this morning. So you know what I did? Took him grocery shopping anyway. I know, I'm a horrible mother but I didn't actually take his temperature so maybe he didn't have a fever. Right?

Well, I repented and took his temperature before I put him to bed. I'm embarrassed to admit that it's 102. Sigh. I guess it's another round of the sickies for us. At least I got my shopping done, though.

Today, I'm most grateful for:

M and M's. Not only are they great potty treats, they help convince a very sick three year old to take his medicine.
A digital thermometer. So I don't have to guess just how hot he really is.
Payday. What a blessing it is to have enough money for all of our needs!
A barf bucket. It's so much easier to clean than sheets, carpet, couch, etc.
Ibuprofen. As a fever reducer, it just can't be beat. And, honestly, when his temperature is down he sleeps, and when he sleeps, I sleep, and when I sleep, I cope.

Kai

Kai and I had a lovely walk this morning. It didn't rain or snow and the wind isn't blowing. Also, it's cold enough now that we don't smell all the cows as much. I'm really enjoying this time with just Kai home. Don't get me wrong, I'm also a big fan of him being at preschool twice a week. He's just such a sweet little guy most of the time that's it's nice having one on one time with him.

See what I mean?
After our walk I managed to set off the smoke detector while taking a shower. You'd think I'd learn. So today I'm most grateful for:

Kai.
Working smoke detectors.
My body. What an amazing, miraculous machine it is. I mean, sure, the maintenance is more expensive and time consuming than car maintenance but it gets me around better than the car and I can count on it running for probably another 60 years or so.
My fat. It keeps me warm and protects my vital organs from windblown debris. Not to mention the fact that it proves I have plenty of delicious food to eat.
Food. Delicious and otherwise.

Sick again

Well, Kai and Graeme flip-flopped last week. Graeme had stomach issues and Kai's got a fever. It's hard when any of the kids get sick, but it's much worse with Kai because he's still a little guy.
I was fighting back tears as I put him in bed last night because he was so sick. His temperature was 104 (even though we alternated Tylenol and Motrin every three hours all day), he wasn't eating or drinking, he was really shaky and I had to carry him everywhere. Also, he slept most of the afternoon and evening but he still went right to sleep when I put him to bed. It was so scary! Honestly, I don't know how parents dealt with illness before modern medicine!

On the plus side, he actually slept until 8:30 this morning, drank juice and water and ate breakfast. His temperature is still 103 so he and I are home from church today, but he's definitely improving.

Yesterday as he was resting on the couch I would look into his feverish eyes and ask him how he was doing. The response was always "great". That is so Kai. He is definitely my happy angel baby.

After he got up this morning I fell to my knees and thanked my loving Heavenly Father for helping him through the night. I love my kids so much! Raising them is a nonstop challenge. I feel so terribly inadequate whenever a crisis arises but I can't stop thanking the Lord that these three precious spirits are mine!