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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

No, I'm Kind Of Not

A couple of nights ago, Kai woke us up screaming hysterically at 1 am. This is not a terribly unusual occurence; he gets awful leg aches regularly in the middle of the night. Anyway, there I was, rubbing his legs and whispering over and over: "Shhh, you're okay" when I realized that he was whispering something too. So I leaned in close and heard: "No, I'm kind of not".

Well, that got me to thinking about the way I've been reacting to life lately. As a mother, when one of my kids is screaming hysterically and it's the middle of the night, I tend to be pretty unsympathetic. I know from experience that as soon as the Tylenol kicks in the child will be fine and I'll be able to go back to bed, so it's hard for me to remember that the child doesn't have my perspective. All that was real for Kai at that moment was the pain and that pain was making him "kind of not" okay.

I realized that it's necessary for children to have parents with more experience and a wider perspective than they have. That's part of our purpose as parents here on earth. But what about the parents? I looked deep inside myself and heard that same little whisper: "No, I'm kind of not" okay. I'm mired in the daily struggle to care for myself and my family and that's what's real to me at this moment; I have no eternal perspective.

Fortunately, as I heard my own whisper, I heard another; just as soft but much more compassionate and persistent: "Shhh, you're okay"and I discovered that no matter how many times I say I'm not okay my Heavenly Father will be there reassuring me that I am. I feel so much better knowing that even though this moment is all-consuming, I can trust my Father's eternal perspective and have faith that I am actually okay.

So, just for today, I am most grateful for:
Kai's leg aches in the middle of the night
and perspective.

Yes, I kind of am okay.


sues2u2 said...

Well, you had me crying. Thank you Skipper, for your perspective & thank you, Kai, for your soft little words. I'll keep my other thanks for latter.

I love that you can bear your testimony here. You RAWCK!

Anderson said...

While I was VT today the eternal perspective thing came up also. We are so blessed to have that and at times we need to be reminded that we do as we get into the seemlessly never ending grind of every day life. I know i'm not the only one at times wonder why the heck my kids have me for a mom when I feel like they teach me more than I do them...

BTW-when did Kai's hair go brown?? it's strange to see as I am used to seeing him as a blonde!

Rachael said...

What a beautiful perspective - one I need to keep in mind... Thank you!!!!

skipper said...

You know, Kai's hair has just kind of steadily been going darker. Sigh, I miss my little blondie!

Rebecca said...

That totally made me cry. What an amazing and inspired perspective. I feel the same way.
Thank you for sharing.

Dutson House Happenings said...

I loved that post! Thanks for sharing that.