No, I'm Kind Of Not

A couple of nights ago, Kai woke us up screaming hysterically at 1 am. This is not a terribly unusual occurence; he gets awful leg aches regularly in the middle of the night. Anyway, there I was, rubbing his legs and whispering over and over: "Shhh, you're okay" when I realized that he was whispering something too. So I leaned in close and heard: "No, I'm kind of not".

Well, that got me to thinking about the way I've been reacting to life lately. As a mother, when one of my kids is screaming hysterically and it's the middle of the night, I tend to be pretty unsympathetic. I know from experience that as soon as the Tylenol kicks in the child will be fine and I'll be able to go back to bed, so it's hard for me to remember that the child doesn't have my perspective. All that was real for Kai at that moment was the pain and that pain was making him "kind of not" okay.

I realized that it's necessary for children to have parents with more experience and a wider perspective than they have. That's part of our purpose as parents here on earth. But what about the parents? I looked deep inside myself and heard that same little whisper: "No, I'm kind of not" okay. I'm mired in the daily struggle to care for myself and my family and that's what's real to me at this moment; I have no eternal perspective.

Fortunately, as I heard my own whisper, I heard another; just as soft but much more compassionate and persistent: "Shhh, you're okay"and I discovered that no matter how many times I say I'm not okay my Heavenly Father will be there reassuring me that I am. I feel so much better knowing that even though this moment is all-consuming, I can trust my Father's eternal perspective and have faith that I am actually okay.

So, just for today, I am most grateful for:

Kai's leg aches in the middle of the night

faith

and perspective.

Yes, I kind of am okay.