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Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Good Fight

This has been a hard week. I do have to admit that in my life things are going very well. Sure, the kids all have colds but we have a lovely home, two cars, food and clothes and Brian has a reasonably stable job. I hate to say it, but my challenges stem from my crazy brain. The last couple of days I've been losing my battle with Borderline Personality Disorder. It's very discouraging. One small (perceived) criticism knocked my fragile self-esteem off the ledge into the abyss. (Out of control hormones aren't helping, either) When my self-esteem goes, I fall back into those self-destructive coping mechanisms that I've been using for 30-odd years.
Then I get frustrated because I really do know better!
The fact is, I am what I am. I can change my behaviors and, to a certain extent, my emotional reaction to the world around me. But I can't change who I am and I don't want to! None of us should want to change that unique and beautiful something that makes us individuals! The hardest thing for me in this great war that I'm waging against this ugly disease is being able to accept me for me. Frustrating emotions and all!
Of course, that's probably what it boils down to for most of us............
So I'll boost my self-esteem back up onto that ledge (hopefully sooner rather than later) and continue on fighting the good fight. And maybe if I'm lucky, I'll end up stronger for the climb.

5 comments:

sues2u2 said...

Oh, Skipper! Do you know how much I admire you for even "fighting" it? I mean do realize what has been happening & then working to find the way to work through it. Not many people do that. You are though. Any time you feel like your "loosing" just give me a call! I know how hard you are working & man, you rock!!!!

Love bug said...

What an example you are to me. I am so glad that you blog about your feelings so that others, (like me) can read it and get hope from you. I love you so much!!

Dutson House Happenings said...

I like you just the way you are! You're a great person!

Rachael said...

I'm with sues2u2! Your courage for even fighting the fight is what you are truly made of!

Love you!

Pat said...

I am extremely proud of you and understand your struggles. Please try to remember how much you are loved by your Dad and I and how very proud we are of you.

You hang in there - there is always tomorrow and it will get better I promise!

Love ya,