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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Sophie Marcelle - #6

I'm going to cheat a little on this one. You see, Sophie Marcelle isn't a real person. When I was pregnant with Kai and we were tossing around names, I fell in love with the name Sophie. Then I remembered that Brian's Grandma's name (on his Dad's side) was Marcelle and there it was: Sophie Marcelle.

After Kai came out a boy (dang it!) there I was stuck with this girl name that I loved and couldn't use. When we made the difficult decision to be done having kids, Sophie Marcelle began to take on a life of her own for me. Even though I completely agreed with the decision we had made, I truly felt like she was out there waiting for me.

As the years have passed, my obsession with this child who never was has eased somewhat and I can think of her now with only a slight pang but she has definitely come to represent those hopes and dreams that never made it to fruition. I wanted her, but for the sake of my health (and marriage) it was not to be. But that's not necessarily bad; after all, I have my health and my marriage and my three other children. In the same way, my life is different now than I thought it would be when I was younger, but it's not bad. I have so much, and the occasional disappoint only builds character.

Stupid building character.


sues2u2 said...

This made me cry. If only, yes?

Pat said...

I had no idea that you treasured this name. I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to use it but maybe one of your kids will love it too and ask to use it? Could happen.

Rebecca said...