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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Sick of being me

Do you ever get tired of being yourself?

Today I'm sick to death of being me. I'm tired of my crazy brain; of constantly needing attention, of the mind games and drama. I'm exhausted from my inability to control myself when the kids misbehave (for the gazillionth time) or when there's chocolate in the cupboard. I'm fed up with looking at my fat self in the mirror, wondering what the scale will say today and why isn't the exercise helping?!?!
I can no longer avoid the fact that I'm a bad, selfish, mean person pretending to be a good, caring, nice person. I would dearly love to be someone else for awhile.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about trading lives with someone else. I love my life! I have a great family, a comfortable home, lots of modern conveniences, neighbors that I get along with. Life is good! I just want to change who I am fundamentally, from the inside out. You know, look at a new face in the mirror, listen to new thoughts in my head. Do you ever feel that way? or is my BPD just getting the better of me today?

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

I know that feeling. ...Really well.