Regrets

Spring is such a beautiful time of rebirth and renewal. Everything is alive and growing again. Two of my children were born in the Spring and my gratitude for them is without limit. Spring is also bittersweet for me. My mother-in-law was born in the Spring and she died in the Spring.
My relationship with her existed before I became aware of the insanity in my own brain. I treated her badly and I regret it more with each passing year. She was a good and kind person who lived her life the best way she knew how.
She loved her grandchildren more than anything! Chloe loved going to Gramma's house because Gramma would read to her as much as she wanted and let her play the piano and paint and play with clay. The fridge was plastered with her "masterpieces".
Graeme was a baby when she died so she never had the chance to know his tender heart and she never met Kai. At least not in this life. Often, as I watch the kids playing or eating or talking, I wish that she was here to be with us. I know that I will see her again someday, but I wish that I could share all of this with her now. I wish she could be here for the big things like baptisms and marriages and the little things like birthdays and Sunday dinner. I wish I could make up for the mistakes I made with her. Most of all, I wish I could take away the pain and sadness that Brian feels, especially this time of year.
In a way, of course, she is still with us. We have pictures and memories, furniture, even our cars and the house wouldn't be ours without her. Most importantly, though, she left me with the determination to make the most out of every relationship. I no longer have the luxury of taking people for granted. Sometimes you turn around and they're gone.