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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

My reflection

Looking at pictures of myself is always an interesting endeavor. I've come to realize lately that what I see when I look in the mirror is different than what others see when they look at me and when I look at a picture of myself, I am forced to see what others see.

The fact is, the person in this picture is a stranger to me. I've spent the better part of 23 years convincing myself that I'm okay. As a result, I've developed a condition I like to call "Reverse Anorexia". The main symptom of this condition is the ability to look in the mirror and not see the extra 150 pounds that is clearly obvious to the rest of the world. It's not so much that I'm comfortable with the way I look, it's more that I'm in complete denial about the way I look.

How did I let myself get to this point, you may ask. Well, I'm not entirely sure and the disparity between how I think I look and how I actually look is starting to cause some problems for me. So I guess I'd better do something about it. Maybe it would help if I began to cultivate a little less self-acceptance and a little more of this:


Terresa said...

What's that saying, "Don't judge a book by it's cover?" So true!
If you're happy, more power to you. :)

The rest of the world's stick-thin Barbie models & TV "celebrities" are not reality to me. They're sick images of an even sicker society, that I'm trying to teach my kids the truth about, one day at a time. (sigh)

I just made some chocolate chip cookie brownies...want to share one? ;)

sues2u2 said...

Wish I'd realized sooner about myself, too. I'm proud of you for putting that up, Skip.

Tell Kai Happy Birthday, please!

Pat said...

Hey, I'm with you there. I completely understand that way of looking at yourself. Guess you got it from me.

I only look in the mirror once to check to see if my buttons are buttoned, my zippers are zipped, etc. then I go on my way.

Guess I too need to take a closer look at me.

Love ya,

Rebecca said...

Steph, they way you can talk about it -maybe you're not in so much "denial"... I mean, you recognize where you are right now, it's not a "true" denial -but who says that seeing something better in the mirror when you're looking isn't a good thing? I'm in serious denial about TONS of things about me, my weight NOT being one of them (I know how bad I am!) -but I can't help but wonder if it wouldn't be a great thing to not have to think the ugly things about myself every time I look. Does that make sense?
I think ignorance isn't always bad... :)

Anderson said...

I can so relate with what you are saying. It reminds me of a house with dirty fingerprints on the wall or carpet that is dirty that you tend to ignore until one day you take a good look and realize how dirty everything is. It can be the same with "body clutter". You need to learn to love yourself for who you are but there are times when you realize that you need to "clean yourself up" and make some changes in life.

Heart of Rachel said...

I gained weight in the past two years. I try to deny it so I won't feel depressed but I'm trying to do something about it now. I started going on a gradual diet and hoping for the best.