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Monday, November 10, 2008

My Chloe


Just when I'm starting to feel optimistic about my own insanity, Chloe's issues rear up and threaten to swallow me whole.
It's so hard to remember that she's only 9 years old. When Chloe is grouchy, a cloud descends over the whole house. When she's frustrated, there is an ominous rumble of thunder in the air and when she loses control and is overcome by her anger, lightning strikes and there is nothing left of our home but a pile of rubble.
Can you tell I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by her right now?
I love her with my whole being. My heart breaks to see her having to deal with all of this. I know how it feels to be drowning in your own emotions. I know how it feels to be convinced that the whole world hates you. I know how it feels to be so out of control that sitting still makes you dizzy.
I also know how wonderful it feels to finally reach solid ground, to finally accept love from others and to finally, finally, finally no longer be at the mercy of my emotions all the time. But how do I help her through this? She won't outgrow it, I never did, although I did have to grow up before I learned how to deal with it.
Oh, my Chloe!

5 comments:

Pat said...

A lot of what you are feeling is the frustration a Mother feels when she can't "make" things better for their children. I know, been there but I think some of this right now is the fact that she is 9 years old. She is bright as a star and has all of the emotions of girls that are active in life. When you have a child that is so bright and reads so much and sees so much they do have their emotions way out there. Especially in our family but have hope, this too will get better at least somewhat.

No, I am not putting you down about what you say but part of this is just the growing process.

And I do understand how frustrated you are feeling. We had many personalities in our family and there were times when I wondered what I had gotten myself into. But each of us have our own little trials and we've had a couple that are so much like her.

She does need to learn what is acceptable an what is not that will help her to deal with her life much better. I'm afraid you were not allowed to vent your feelings as you guys are allowing Chloe. Your way is not bad, in fact I see many things that are better than our way was - so have faith. Although, I have to say, those teenage years aren't far off, the children seem to be hitting it much faster than when you were young. Good Luck I pray for you, raising children is not for the weak.

Love you,

sues2u2 said...

I'm w/ you. Hanae has a melt down & the rest of us want to run for cover!

I love you, Brian & the kids. Can't hardly wait until Christmas!! I hope!!

Rebecca said...

Steph, I'm sure you have thought about this, but it's the reason why you had to go through what you did. ...To help her. I would almost bet that you offered to take that burden on yourself to go through it without the help -in order to be able to assist this angel with her struggle. God is on your side. Trust yourself.

Anderson said...

You know, I really think we need to compare notes more with our 9 yr old girls because you are describing Mackenzie, did you know that? :) She thinks that everyone hates her and that she is dumb and stupid no matter how many times we tell her the opposite. There is enough eye rolling, stomping, and slamming of doors to last me a lifetime and unfortuantely... it's just starting!

Sissamom said...

Hey, Steph! I stumbled onto your blog tonight. Funny, eh? Anyway, good luck with Chloe. I'm thinking of you.