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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Like the wind

As I lay in bed last night listening to the wind blow, it suddenly struck me how the blowing of the wind was very similar to the challenges in my own life.

Last night, the wind came in great gusts, like the waves of the ocean.  All was still and quiet and then I would hear the wind approach with a loud noise similar to that of an oncoming freight train.  It would slam into the house, rattling the windows, tearing at the shingles and making the siding whistle and moan.  I lay there, listening and wondering how much more the house could take and then it was gone and all was still and quiet until the next blast hit, seeming stronger and even more ferocious than the last.

A few weeks ago my cousin died.  His death came at me with the noise of a freight train.  It rattled my windows, tore at my shingles and made my siding whistle and moan.  Before that blast was fully gone, Chloe turned twelve.  Suddenly my baby girl has pierced ears and a Young Women's medallion.

And I can't seem to lose weight anymore even though I'm putting everything I've got into it.

Then there's Graeme.

My sweet, tender-hearted, darling boy is becoming angry and mean and is constantly in trouble at school.

With all of that, though, the most ferocious wind blowing at me right now is my Borderline Personality Disorder.  I can't seem to get a handle on it and I feel like my roof is coming off and my walls are going to come crashing down.  I desperately want to help others; to nurture and protect, but I can't deal with my own winds right now and I have nothing to give.

I wonder if this is how my house feels?