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Thursday, December 9, 2010

Weight Watchers week 4, BPD and a Change in Strategy

Okay, so I went to my fourth Weight Watchers meeting last Friday, but I haven't really felt like posting about it until right now.  Probably because I'm going again tomorrow.  Anyway, I gained 2.6 pounds which was really really bad and I've been pretty upset about it.  Although, I think I've been more upset about the comment the lady who was weighing me made.  When I saw my weight gain I said: "Oh, that's bad."  and her response was: "Well, it looks like Thanksgiving was good."  Which made me feel like crap because I think if Thanksgiving was good, I would have lost weight!  So I've continued to feel like crap since then and have regularly contemplated giving up.

But today I was thinking about Biggest Loser (one of my favorite shows) and I remembered Jillian the trainer telling one of the contestants that she needed to stop seeking approval from others.  I realized that's exactly what I've been doing!  Now I know that's not a good strategy in general, but it's even worse for people (like me) with Borderline Personality Disorder.  Because of my BPD, I tend to view people in black and white; a person is either all good or all bad and that includes me.  So when someone else is rude or unsupportive, it's devastating because it means that I am a horrible person.  I've really been working on my perceptions of other people and I'm getting a lot better about accepting the good mixed with the bad, but I realized today that I haven't been applying those perception changes to myself.  Not a good strategy for weight loss because I can never ever win.

New strategy for tomorrow:  no matter what the scale says, I'm going to remind myself of my victories (big and small) and I'm going to tell myself over and over again how beautiful, strong, smart and talented I am.  What it boils down to is that I've got to believe in myself or all of the wonderful, supportive people in my life won't be able to help me one little bit because the second they make a mistake or say something wrong (we're all too human) my world will come crashing down.

My personal battles right now in this life are obesity and BPD.  As hard as they are, I guess they could be worse.  I will win.  As Stuart Smalley would say, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"


Pat said...

Yeah! for you. I love you.

sues2u2 said...

Know what? You are good enough, smart enough AND people LOVE you!

You & me, sis. We're gonna take on the world one pound @ a time!

love ya

ps Gene is still working for his company; they've just moved him into another slot. This will give us time to get the house ready to sell & have him finish his degree plus get some training certs out of the way. Yahoo!

So... how was scouts?