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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Tonight it will rain

Tonight it will rain. Do you want to know why? Because we just spent a small fortune getting our van detailed. (I'm not sure why it's called "detailing", maybe it's because they give you an incredibly "detailed" bill when they're done fleecing you, but I digress...) Anyway, we had to spend a small fortune because it was, without a doubt, the dirtiest, most disgusting vehicle on the road. (I'm sure there are some dirtier and more disgusting vehicles in junkyards, but of those still in use, ours took the cake. But I digress again...)

It really cracked me up when the very nice attendant walked up to me with a big smile on his face and told me how much fun they had cleaning the van. Here's what he said:
"We had a lot of fun cleaning your van!" Here's what he meant:
"Holy crap, you people are a bunch of slobs!"
I sincerely apologized for the disgusting state of my van. Here's what he said:
"Don't worry, there's always a worse van!" Here's what he meant:
"But I've never seen it! Really! Slobs!"

Then he proceded to explain in great detail what they did to my poor, neglected vehicle. I have to admit, it looks brand new. I wish I had taken before and after pictures because you would fall off your chair in astonishment! And then there's the smell! That poor van had been puked, peed and pooped in, not to mention the spilled food and the bag of frozen chicken breasts that I forgot was there for about a week. In the middle of summer. You know, we really did our best to clean after each mess, but I was starting to wonder if some small animal had crawled inside and died.
In fact, the very nice attendant made sure to emphasize to me that they not only CLEANED all the plastic in the van, they SCRUBBED it. They cleaned, polished, vacuumed, shampooed and hand waxed my baby. And not only does it look good, it smells fantastic!

Now, I know that he was telling me all this so that I would express my appreciation in a very tangible, monetary way, BUT it did take them two hours longer than they said it would AND we had just spent a small fortune on the process in the first place.

So, no tip.

Of course, on the way home I discovered that they had fixed our glove compartment which has been broken for weeks, and I was filled with guilt and remorse. So if I'm lucky, tonight it will rain just enough to make the outside of my van look awful and I will feel properly chastened but my van will still be clean where it really counts. On the inside, where we will sit for sixteen hours straight on our trip to California, of course.

Sorry about the rain.

4 comments:

Dutson House Happenings said...

That was a funny blog! I think all of us with kids have cars like that! I loved the part about what he said and what he really meant!

sues2u2 said...

http://adamandkristinapulsipher.blogspot.com/
That's the blog you need to visit. You'll love it, I promise.

Where'd you get your van newified @? I really need to do the same. Maybe my van can hold on until we come in the summer! So how do you think your van will smell when you get back? lol

Pat said...

I loved your description of your van and interruption of what the attendant really meant. That was hilarious. There is just the two of us but you should see how long it takes your Dad to clean our little car out. So don't feel to bad, you at least have five of you working on your van. Can't wait to see it.

Love ya,

Rebecca said...

You know, it's SO reassuring to know that others abuse their vehicles as much as we do. Kids are BRUTAL on vans, and I believe that husbands are WORSE!